Lilly's Nails and Beauty, 215 Walworth Road, SE17 Review

So now that I am a retired retail worker (almost), I no longer have to pull off those little sticky security tags with foil inside which is basically license for me to have my nails like THIS:

It's been a few years since I bothered with acrylics. They used to ping off whenever I was showing off or crunking or trying to operate a door while smashed. Now that my lifestyle is significantly duller it would be silly to not take advantage of all the brilliant and super affordable nail bars of South East London.

Me and my sister went to Lilly's Nails and Beauty on Walworth Road three weeks ago and unbelievably all these little soldiers are still standing. I was advised that doing the dishes and washing your hair knackers them out so I dutifully stopped doing either. I've also developed a special way of opening Diet Coke cans that's really built up my knuckle strength. All in all they only took 45 minutes to assemble, cost an unbelievable £12 and we didn't have to queue. I couldn't be happier. After a long and successful service, they're coming off tomorrow. Any ideas for what I should have next?

This week I should have bought indigestion tablets. Instead...

I went to Primark and bought this INCREDIBLY SHINY skirt. It was only £14 and is the loveliest, lightest, shiniest slice of happiness I've ever owned. It's the clothing equivalent of fried tofu. With glitter on it. The under-shorts are a little questionable and in terms of how flattering it is, let's go ahead and tick the 'no' box, but I don't really mind if people get a look at my big rectangle bum. I eat really hard for it.

Primark skirt, Topshop crop top, Topshop crystal and mesh leggings, Office leopard flatforms, my Mum's belt and Anna Della Russo for H&M crocodile necklace.

Sadly this little number's not exactly weather appropriate but I'll put a big cosy jumper over it, tights and my Docs underneath it and wear it to work. I'll add stripper shoes and a sluttier crop top and wear it to da club.

It reminds me of this fabric - remember it? It ruled the early 00s and then there must have been some sort of mass burning in '05 because I don't think I've seen it since. Let's stage a comeback. 


In other bargain-bucket news: 

• Boots are currently offering Revlon Photoready, Grow Luscious and Fabulash mascaras for only £5 each!
• The Body Shop are offering 50% off their Top Recommended products. That's half price shiny pores!
• In sale markdown news Dotty P's are now knocking 15% off sale purchases made online.
• And most excitingly of all, 6-packs of Diet Coke are still half price in Tescos.

Shit Face: Maybelline Master Smoky Eye Pencil Review

Right,things that are smooth and moist in a good way:

• Nutella, 
• The application of wax, 
• A big glob of Vaseline... 

When I picked up Maybelline's new smokey eye pencil from Boots (£5.99), I was hoping it would follow suit.











Just look how good the advert is! Mmm, I want to lick it. 

(Pictures from Maybelline)

But Maybelline, you let me down. The pencil was too hard, too dry and felt chalky, almost ... crusty which isn't something I particularly want coming to mind in matters of the face. If you want to draw a big thick straight line, it's fine and takes about 4 seconds. Anything more advanced is where I ran into problems. (It's worth noting here that I am exceptionally lazy in almost all walks of life, so if anyone has had more success please do share your experience.)

The main problem for me was the smudger. It doesn't smudge. It just removes all your hard work as it drags along your eyelid, leaving you with several sporadic grey blobs. Like an eye infection. It just kept bloody stopping and starting. I'm sure if you put the work in you can create something pretty special, but honestly who has the time? This is the cosmetic equivalent of virginal sex and now that I'm getting on a bit I prefer to be working with a partner who can bring their best moves in under a minute...

"Gimme a whiskey, ginger ale on the side...and don't be stingy, baby."

It's mid-January. 
We're all suicidal. 
Take comfort in slashed sale prices. 
And buy-one-get-one-free packs of Creme Eggs in Tescos.

Right, Rare London's sale is now up to 80% off. Yeah alright some of it's a bit Towie but when we're all over 50 - hips a'poppin as we strain to get one last peek at the fairer side of that darn hill, I think we'll all be wishing that we got to wear a few more of these while we could. And maybe these. Rare also stocks Coco's Fortune where this lovely slinky maxi dress was birthed- was £49, now £10!

When I was young New Look was my favourite store. Probably because it was the only fucking shop around. In ode to my youth, I'd like these lovely gold creepers, were £24.99, now £10!

I refuse to only wear sequins at Christmas-time. This jazzfest is from ASOS, was £50, now £15 and get an extra 10% off with promo code PERFECT10

Woop.

THESE SHOES ARE ATTENTION SEEKING. And probably a real wasp-attractant.

I don't care.

Office Kandi court, were £70, now £20. Lots of last-season Jeffrey Campbell on sale too!

And finally: lovely colour, lovely dress and lovely model too but I'm sure she costs more than £15. This slinky Motel maxi was reduced from £55! Barg! Christ, sorry I can't believe I just said that. 

All-in-all, looks like I'll be spending the dawn of 2013 significantly over-dressed, quite cold and in shoes that my boyfriend hates. Brilliant.

This week I should have bought washing powder. Instead ..

I picked up this little number in the New Look sale. It comes from one of their concession brands called Cameo Rose which is highly embarrassing, but it was only £10 so I'm willing to forgive myself for dressing from a label that sounds like something Avril Lavigne farted out.

On New Year's Eve I layered it up with:

• a Topshop black crop tee, boots and waterfall cardigan.
• Superdrug corsage necklace,
• New Look skull chain belt and
• H&M bug ring and jacket which I hate and thought I'd thrown out. Instead, I'd thrown out one of my favourites. That, good people is the definition of a LEMON and why I don't deserve nice things. 

Also do we need to have a grown up conversation about excessive fringing? It's bloody impractical. Being drunk and trying to have a wee in this thing was kind of traumatic. I'm going to start taking hair bands out with me so I can plait my dangliest clothes in times of need. It was however super fun to swoosh about in. Here's an out-take for your viewing pleasure.

What a babe.

My New Year's Resolutions for 2013

1. Give more to charity.
2. Drink more and drink better.
3. Think productively and practically about my future career.
4. Blog, blog, blog, blog, blog.
5. Fight the raging apathetic beast that lurks inside us all and tries to persuade me that my job is fine, so is my hair and that Boris Johnson is just a 'funny guy.'
6. Stand up more. For causes and to avoid weight gain.
7. Catch up on Grey's Anatomy. 
8. Get a fringe. Just do it. Let's dial down that face.
9. Clean the bathroom more often.
10. Surround myself with funny, relaxed, ambitious, open-minded people and be bloody grateful for anyone that wants to hang out with me.

Boxing Day Boots and Bargains

On Boxing Day me and my sister became 13 again and got our Dad to give us a lift to Bluewater. I'm sad to report that the Topshop in there is still rubbish but I did manage to pick up some lovely stuff on our way round.

Right, slight bit of cheating here. These weren't actually bought on boxing day but I scooped them up from Office for an amazing £30 from £85 and christened them on Christmas Eve; drunkenly traipsing across muddy terrain and sticky dancefloors.

I also picked up some bits in Boots to make me more attractive. I love these Fair Trade products from Boots, they're as good as Body Shop but much, much cheaper. I got a body wash, scrub and body butter for a ridiculous £5. I also picked up a No7 brush set for £8 because anything that helps me put on more makeup is a friend.

New Look was a tad apocalyptic but I got this skull belt for £2 and these lashes for the same price. That's value people! I also picked up a New Years Eve dress - pictures to follow!

Accessorize was the real winner of the day for me. I picked up these two bags, I know the Mari tote's a bit over-done but it's got compartments and I'm getting to the age where compartments are awesome. I also picked up some pyjamas that are pretty sexual but also cover up your Christmas pudding ;) Sadly my model only works with accessories so stay tuned for pictures of those lovelies.

Oh and I am aware that these photos highlight how badly I should have spent this money on better curtains.